Like plastering this face all over the house:
Probably two hundred-ish copies or so would do.
If I had a dog I would never have to sweep my wood floors again because everyone knows dogs are human vacuum cleaners. This means no more crumbs people. No. More. Crumbs!!
Have you seen my floor?
I swept that yesterday.
As in, one meal ago.
Also, if I had a dog I could go "walking" in my neighborhood without looking like a moron, because my pace would obviously be a result of my dog's short legs and not my lack of coordination or physical fitness. Walking a dog is the only acceptable way to walk around the neighborhood when you're 26. If you're 50+ you can do whatever the heck you want. But 26 year olds can't just go "walking" by themselves. People expect you to at least jog or something. This of course, I am not willing to do in broad daylight.
Also, most importantly, if I had a dog it would function as a guard dog to scare away kidnappers and murderers when I'm home alone at night. Probably a more effective deterrent than me wearing a hockey mask around and peering through the back windows at intervals. (Kidnappers and murderers leave other kidnappers and murderers alone you see. And they ALWAYS watch your house for at least an hour before busting in, so this is actually a great method. You really should invest in a hockey mask if you haven't already. Talking REALLY loudly next to your windows about your loaded gun also helps.)
All I see is positives here.
Plus, probably dogs clean up ice cream drips. Which I will need for the next time I make these: